When you are adopted by a parent, one or both parents there is a sense of loss that you carry around with you. There is this feeling that you might have done something to terribly wrong as a person that caused your parent(s) to abandon you. No matter what your new parent(s) might do or say to you to assure you that they do in fact love you (a lot) a part of you still might be unsure especially when your sibling is their full biological child.
As a child and even sometimes now I ask my father to tell the story of how he met my mother. On a bus. On the way to a rally/demonstration. He thought my mom was cute, they had a mutual friend sitting between them, the two of them fell asleep and somehow woke up next to each other on the bus. They started talking and my mother showed him a picture of me, just a year old and he said I was the cutest kid he had ever seen. According to sources (mother and father) the minute we met it was total love.
I attended my parents wedding. They had my sister. I always called him Daddy. For the longest time there wasnt a time that I didnt remember having him. At age 8 they asked the most perplexing question. “Do you want your dad to adopt you?” We went through the system, had to publish for my biological father to terminate his rights and that was basically it. I remember my adoption party very well. Better than any other party.
Over the years I would sometimes holler at him “You are not my real dad!” or “I don’t like you.” Etc. But he always came back with the same thing “I don’t care of you don’t want me, I’m yours.” Would always tell me that he married my mom because he wanted to be my dad mostly, I never 100% believed him. Until now. When I see my husband sitting next to me in the theater beaming while our newish daughter Little R dances in her bright green tutu on stage, looking out at us with such an extreme confidence that she didnt have when we met her. How our hearts felt the very second we laid eyes on her in her previous foster home, the way that we felt when we first heard Henry holler when he was born.
When my husband Thor and I decided to look for our second child within the foster care system I had no idea that it was possible for me to be more proud of Thor as a father or love him more as a husband. But I do.
I hope that I’ll have an easier time convincing Little R that she was always ours, it just took us a little longer to find her.
Happy Father’s Day.