I have some crazy stories. I attract some crazy, Thor attracts some crazy too, together it's nearly non-stop crazy. Thor sort of prompted me to post this, thinking that I should have story days. When living in NYC I had let my license expire for so long I had to re-take my driving test, driver's ed (which had the same videos as when I was in high school with Don Johnson in espadrilles). I was 8 months pregnant at the time. Here is the story, pulled from an old livejournal. My husband thinks that I should re-tell and tell some new stories of things that go on around me.
Okay I just got back from a road test with the dmv. I went with a driving instructor. I let my license expire had to take the 5 hour class all over again etc.
Anyway. This guy was insane.
It was me and another student a 300 something pound Muslim named Mohammed from Kenya. He was very very nervous even though he had a trucking license from Kenya and was a airplane mechanic. Anyway the instructor was out of his mind. He drove 80 the whole way to Stonypoint (we had to go out of town to get the test appointment sooner, that in the city).
So Mohammed was talking about living in Russia where he taught other people to be jet engine mechanics. He said that there were really scary skinheads there that only want to kill people who aren't like them. So Mohammed was chased by some skinheads while he was there and the instructor was like "Yeah they wanted to beat you until they saw the white meat".
Then the instructor told us his arm hurt because he works at a flower shop in the Bronx (he actually lived in the flower shop until recently) and he was held up so instead of giving the kids money he grabbed the gun barrel that was pointed at his face and they hit him with objects of some sort.
A customer came into the flower shop a couple of months ago and said that he could live with her for free. He says that she's lucky shes so ugly because he would chase her and hold her down and have her all he wanted.
Then he told us that he once robbed a guy in Arizona. It was okay "'cause the guy was a college kid and he was a street person". He robbed the kid for a trunkful of weed and left him in the middle of the desert. He's like "the guy coulda died I never checked. He shouldn't have trusted a street person".
Then there was a turtle on the side of the road that we all saw. and he was like "We have to save that turtle!!!!" And backed up DOWN THE HIGHWAY mind you he IS A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. So he gets the turtle decides that the turtle looks "dry" and wanted to throw it over the bridge that he thought was coming up. This bridge was super high. Mohammed and I both were like "You can't do that! The impact could kill him if he lands on his belly!!" he's like "They have shells so nothing can hurt them he will just tuck his head inside." And I said "He needs to slide in the water…thats why his belly is like that!" then he put the turtle away from the road we drove off and we saw a deer. He wanted to HIT THE DEER AND TAKE IT BACK HOME TO THE BRONX. Okay pregnant woman in the car and you want hit a deer??? I said "NO!" really loudly to which he responded "ANIMAL ACTIVIST!".
Where do these people come from? Mohammed and I both got out of the car way before he pulled up to the school.
I passed my test.